Reflecting on my life tonight. I am 27 years old, I am married to the man of my dreams, my very best friend in the world, we have shared 13 year together thus far and I cant even describe how excited i am to share the rest of my life with him. We have two wonderful, healthy, perfect and fun kids, they are literally my heart and soul walking around outside my body. We married and dreamt of our family and now all of our dreams have come true. We couldnt be more blessed, we both have jobs and are able to have everything we could ever need and want, we have wonderful family all around us and the ones that arent wont be around much longer, we have wonderful friends that we have a ton of fun with and who would always have our backs. I am also very blessed to be able to attend college and will soon be able to hopefully better my family with a degree in accouning and i get to be a consultant for thirtyone which i love and completely enjoy. I have all anyone could ever want and i have had many people throughout the years tell me they wish they had what i had. Not that i want people to be jealous of me cause i dont but i do take pride in being able to show people what true happiness is. Dont get me wrong i have def had hard time in my life, some im surprised i even recovered from, but they are what has made me who i am. I am a strong person because of the people that have come into my life, tried their hardest to break me down and failed miserably doing so, and i am even thankful for them, for having a part in making me who i am by showing me i deserve so much better, and they have shown me how i dont want to be and how i dont my life to be.
As i have reflected on my life i have found so much sadness in some of the people i had once had in my life. Its so sad when you have to sit back and watch someone struggle for years and years. When someone feels like they have to lie about the things they own, their home, and their material things along with how much money they have and such to try and convience other they are some body in this big ole world. Its a shame when they feel like they have to constantly tell people how wonderful their life is to mask how things really are. Someone that is so far gone in depression that they push everyone that has ever cared about them away, its so sad to think about really. its odd that people like this were ever even in my life since we are so completely different. They cling to the people that have always done them wrong over and over again and push away the ones that cared, it must be denial or something, or maybe they feel like they dont deserve any better since that is all they have ever known from their friends and family all their life. i dont know but i sure dont understand it at all and at this point in my life i dont really care to. But what i did learn from them the most is that there is nothing no matter how hard you try and put forth effort, there is nothing you can do to help them, you have to just remove them from your life, let them live with the depression and sad life they have chosen and try your damnedest not to worry anymore about them. They will have to learn on their own that the ones they call friends will be the first to turn on them because it has happened many times before and their family will also always treat them like crap because they have let them do it all their lives and one day many years from now they will finally realise who was true to them and how they messed it all up and by then it will be too late. these are just things i have noticed and are about NO ONE inparticular. if you think its about you then maybe you should re-evaluate your lives and see why you think this is about you and why you would think someone else would see you like this.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
why?
Why do people do the things they do?
Why do people feel the way they feel?
Why do people lie the way they lie?
Why do people make up stories about themselves and other people?
Why would someone talk horrible about their family and friends and then try and drill it in to peoples heads that they love them sooooo much?
Why would someone talk horrible about the people they say are their best friends?
Why would someone wanna be friends with people that have done them so wrong in the past?
Why do people bring people into their homes that mistreat them and their kids?
Why do people pawn their kids off on other to do out partying all the time?
Why do people search for take pain pills all the time to try and numb themselves?
Why do some people think its better to leave someone hanging instead of giving them a call?
Why do people sit on the couch all day long then complain about sitting on the couch all day long?
Why do people say their kids are their wole life when talking to others when they never even wanted them to begin with?
Why would someone stay with someone after being abused?
Why would someone stay with someone after being cheated on?
Why would someone lie about owning their home when they rent?
Why would someone lie about so called money they recieved from someones death?
Why would people lie about their health to make people feel sorry for them?
Why would someone cheat on the mate that actually treats them good?
Why would someone tell another person they were hated by someone that didnt hate them?
Why would someone put another person in their wedding if they didnt want them to be?
Why do people make fun of other people?
Why do people call others names?
Why do people spread rumers about others that arent true?
Why do people fuss about others writting stuff on facebook and on blogs when they do the same things?
Why do people say their lives are sooo horrible and then in the next breath say it is soooo perfect?
Why would someone think they could talk about everyone else to you and then actually think you believe they dont talk about you behind your back?
Why do people push away the people that care for them?
Why do people treat the people that care for them like shit and then suck up to the ones that treat them like crap?
Why do people not discipline their children?
Why do people think that buying things is a way to show you love them?
Why do people keep putting up with someone that treats them horrible?
Why do people put forth so much effort when none is given to them?
Why do people drop everything to be there for someone when they need them when they would never recieve that in return if needed?
Why do people feel horrible, and worried about someone when they never meant anything to them?
Why cant people just get over things and move on when its obivious they were never important to someone?
Why do people ignore your phone calls and texts?
Why do people stand you up with no explaination?
Why do some people not want more for their children?
Why do some peopl not want to work for what they need?
Why do some people strive on drama and when there isnt any they have to create some?
Why do some people treat one child differently than the others?
Why do some people let their children be disrespectful little brats that no one wants to be around?
Why do people sleep around with a lot of different people and not love any of them?
Why do people choose their partners over their kids?
Why do people feel the need to talk about things they have no idea about?
Why do people take others for granted?
Why do people say one thing and mean something else?
Why do people deny things they have done?
Why do people tell all their darkest secrets to someone and then plays it off like that person doesnt know them at all?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY????
YOU TELL ME!!!
Why do people think everyone people write about it about them?
Why do people take others words for things instead of finding out the true on their own?
Why do people lie about viewing others stuff when its obvious they do?
Why say your not talking about someone and that you dont care, when every blog you ahve written in the last little while has had something to do with them in it for a fact.
Why write something and then deny its about someone inparticular just because you didnt use their name?
Why do people write horrible things about someone and think that just because they deleted it afterwards that the person they wrote it about didnt see it?
Why do people think others are so stupid?
Why do people keep worrying about people that arent worth the worry never has been?
Why do people keep coming and telling things like i care anymore?
Why didnt i learn my lesson a long ass time ago?
Why didnt i listen to everyone that was trying to warn me?
Why do people have to just keep on and on and on?
These are questions i have asked myself, about myself, and about a few other people i know. I know the answer to most of the questions whether i fully understand them is another question all in itself.
Why do people feel the way they feel?
Why do people lie the way they lie?
Why do people make up stories about themselves and other people?
Why would someone talk horrible about their family and friends and then try and drill it in to peoples heads that they love them sooooo much?
Why would someone talk horrible about the people they say are their best friends?
Why would someone wanna be friends with people that have done them so wrong in the past?
Why do people bring people into their homes that mistreat them and their kids?
Why do people pawn their kids off on other to do out partying all the time?
Why do people search for take pain pills all the time to try and numb themselves?
Why do some people think its better to leave someone hanging instead of giving them a call?
Why do people sit on the couch all day long then complain about sitting on the couch all day long?
Why do people say their kids are their wole life when talking to others when they never even wanted them to begin with?
Why would someone stay with someone after being abused?
Why would someone stay with someone after being cheated on?
Why would someone lie about owning their home when they rent?
Why would someone lie about so called money they recieved from someones death?
Why would people lie about their health to make people feel sorry for them?
Why would someone cheat on the mate that actually treats them good?
Why would someone tell another person they were hated by someone that didnt hate them?
Why would someone put another person in their wedding if they didnt want them to be?
Why do people make fun of other people?
Why do people call others names?
Why do people spread rumers about others that arent true?
Why do people fuss about others writting stuff on facebook and on blogs when they do the same things?
Why do people say their lives are sooo horrible and then in the next breath say it is soooo perfect?
Why would someone think they could talk about everyone else to you and then actually think you believe they dont talk about you behind your back?
Why do people push away the people that care for them?
Why do people treat the people that care for them like shit and then suck up to the ones that treat them like crap?
Why do people not discipline their children?
Why do people think that buying things is a way to show you love them?
Why do people keep putting up with someone that treats them horrible?
Why do people put forth so much effort when none is given to them?
Why do people drop everything to be there for someone when they need them when they would never recieve that in return if needed?
Why do people feel horrible, and worried about someone when they never meant anything to them?
Why cant people just get over things and move on when its obivious they were never important to someone?
Why do people ignore your phone calls and texts?
Why do people stand you up with no explaination?
Why do some people not want more for their children?
Why do some peopl not want to work for what they need?
Why do some people strive on drama and when there isnt any they have to create some?
Why do some people treat one child differently than the others?
Why do some people let their children be disrespectful little brats that no one wants to be around?
Why do people sleep around with a lot of different people and not love any of them?
Why do people choose their partners over their kids?
Why do people feel the need to talk about things they have no idea about?
Why do people take others for granted?
Why do people say one thing and mean something else?
Why do people deny things they have done?
Why do people tell all their darkest secrets to someone and then plays it off like that person doesnt know them at all?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY????
YOU TELL ME!!!
Why do people think everyone people write about it about them?
Why do people take others words for things instead of finding out the true on their own?
Why do people lie about viewing others stuff when its obvious they do?
Why say your not talking about someone and that you dont care, when every blog you ahve written in the last little while has had something to do with them in it for a fact.
Why write something and then deny its about someone inparticular just because you didnt use their name?
Why do people write horrible things about someone and think that just because they deleted it afterwards that the person they wrote it about didnt see it?
Why do people think others are so stupid?
Why do people keep worrying about people that arent worth the worry never has been?
Why do people keep coming and telling things like i care anymore?
Why didnt i learn my lesson a long ass time ago?
Why didnt i listen to everyone that was trying to warn me?
Why do people have to just keep on and on and on?
These are questions i have asked myself, about myself, and about a few other people i know. I know the answer to most of the questions whether i fully understand them is another question all in itself.
Monday, December 19, 2011
the bad
so a while back i wrote about my mother and my father in law having somesort of twisted relationship and after blowing up on my mother about the whole things i decided that if she was gonna be stupid enough to put herself through that shit with him then i was gonna let her get what she was asking for and sure enough, sooner than i though, it all went down, and even though i wasnt surprised i was pissed. i was pissed at her for not listening to me abouthow he was and what he was gonna do to her and acting like she didnt really know how he was to begin with. i was also pissed at him even more so because he was the one that pursued my mother, filled her head full of lies, knew he was gonna do nothing but lie to her from the get go and yet still though it was necessary to ruin all the relationships involved, mine and her, jasons and him and def his and mine. at this point in my life i dont care to ever see him or speak to him ever again, i am taking this opportunity to let him know everything i have ever felt about him none of which are good, i have tried for so many years to deal with this man and i am no longer doing that because even though he is nthing but an arrogant, self centered, asshole,w ho couldnt tell the truth to save his life, he is a womanizer and all is well if you want to treat all these random whores like that, i dont care but he had to go and make it personal and try that shit with my mom and that was so beyond wrong and iw ill no longer try to deal with someone that i cant stand. so he is not welcomed at my home, i dont want him around me or my kids and if my husband does decided to let hm see my kids, it wont be anywhere near me and it wont be around whichever whore he is messing with that week, iw ould prefer that my kids not be subjected to him and his ways but he is my husbands father so i guess i can write him off completely which is what i really want to do...
on a lighter note, my mother has her a new male friends and he is super sweet, she doesnt even know how to act with him treating her so well, she deserves it, and i am so happy for her.
And i am proud of myself because slowly but surely i am letting go of the hangup i have had for a certain someone, i tried a few times to make things better and i have done all that i can do and with no luck, i think it is def time to give it no another thought and it feels great.
on a lighter note, my mother has her a new male friends and he is super sweet, she doesnt even know how to act with him treating her so well, she deserves it, and i am so happy for her.
And i am proud of myself because slowly but surely i am letting go of the hangup i have had for a certain someone, i tried a few times to make things better and i have done all that i can do and with no luck, i think it is def time to give it no another thought and it feels great.
the good
Omg so much stuff has been going on lately i dont even know where to start... we finally got completely moved and settled into our new house and i can honestly say that it feels just like home, we just love it, so much more room and its such a nice home, im so excited. of course jason is in love with his new garage and i have to pull him away from it, but at least he is putting it to good use. The kids finally have their own playroom equipt with a 57 in big screen and couch and love seat, they pretty much live down there...which gives me a little more quiet time which is nice. oh and leaveit to my son to be the first to fall down the steps but he was fine...lol
Christmas is almost here and with it being my favorite time of year next to halloween we are all so excited and i can hardly wait until christmas morning to see my babies faces. i love it... the tree is up and over flowing with presents. and i cant even tell you how grateful i am for christmas break, i really needed it, with everything going on this last semester was pretty rough for me, i felt like iwasnt giving my school work the attention it was needing and was afraid of the grades i were making but now that the semester is over and grades are post i am beyond thrilled that i came out with 3 A's and 1 C...and now it is time to sit back relax and enjoy the christmas holiday and the new year before i jump in to my next semester the end of january. The Lord has truely blessed me this year, i have the bestest husband and children in the world, healthy and happy. I have the best family and friends a girl could ask for, old and new. I am so thankful.
Christmas is almost here and with it being my favorite time of year next to halloween we are all so excited and i can hardly wait until christmas morning to see my babies faces. i love it... the tree is up and over flowing with presents. and i cant even tell you how grateful i am for christmas break, i really needed it, with everything going on this last semester was pretty rough for me, i felt like iwasnt giving my school work the attention it was needing and was afraid of the grades i were making but now that the semester is over and grades are post i am beyond thrilled that i came out with 3 A's and 1 C...and now it is time to sit back relax and enjoy the christmas holiday and the new year before i jump in to my next semester the end of january. The Lord has truely blessed me this year, i have the bestest husband and children in the world, healthy and happy. I have the best family and friends a girl could ask for, old and new. I am so thankful.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
another day in the life of tabatha
so even with all the awesome changes going on in my life, it still seems that things are being thrown at me hard. i have been running and running with out time to even think. im either working, at school, taking care of the kids, packing, painting, moving, unpacking, studying or something and i literally feel like i am in a fog right now, i cant even get my mind to work right it seems these days and i am feeling like different things in my life are suffering because of it in some ways...i feel like i am not doing as well in school as i would like and i feel like i have been in a horrible mood way too often when it comes to my babies as well. and even though i love all these things going on and i am thankful for them all i ifnd myself feeling down at the same time because i am way to busy and i cant even enjoy it all. and then to top it off today was just a horrible day, i over slept and didnt get riveranne to school on time, i dont feel good about the huge test i had today, today has been two years since my step sisters husband got killed in a car accident and then my dads sister passed away today. it has been a very very depressing day for me, so this afternon i layed on the cough and completely fell out, i mean i couldnt even make myself get up for like 3 hours, i guess i really needed it. and yet i still feel exhausted. hopefully things will equal themselves out for me here real soon and i can be more relaxed and be able to enjoy all these wonderful changes that are going on in my life...
Sunday, November 13, 2011
big changes
I cant believe how fast this year has gone by, seems like last time i blinked it was january and now here we are rolling right up on christmas, one of my favorite times of the year. as i look back at this year that has flown by, i just now realized that i have had some of the biggest changes happen to me and my family this year and all of them for the better.
First major change was i got my first job in 7 years a few months back. and i cant even express how perfect it is for me and how thankful i am for it. awesome hours and good pay too. extra money is always a good thing. sometimes i do feel a little overwhelmed but nonetheless very happy and thankful for everything i have going on in my life.
Just a little over a month ago jason and i decided we wanted to move. and within less than one month of looking we stumbled apon an awesome house that we love. so now i am in the sorting and packing mode. its very exciting, its a much bigger house than what we have now, in a good neighborhood. the kids are so excited to be moving, they have lived in this house all their lives and jason and i have been here for 8 years, it was our first home together and even though we are gonna miss it and our awesome neighbors that have been nothing but good to us, its time and the perfect move in the right direction for this moment in our lives. its bitter sweet really!
Dont get me wrong there has defiantly been some bumps in the road this year for me but i have put on the brakes and slowly moved on over them. Made the best decission for this year when i decided to rmove myself for a trainwreck friendship i had been in for year and i can honestly say i had such a feeling of relief from it. So much drama gone. and i over all have been such a better person because of it. Im happier than i have been in along long time and i never even realized how much that one person had brought me down for all those years. you cant have a relationship with someone thats life is so horrible that they feel they have to make everyone elses lives bad just to get some joy in their little world...its sad...but i realized who my real friends were the whole time and i am sooooo much more thankful for the good ones now that i have had a bad one, funny how that works out huh!!!
2012 is gonna be the best year yet i can feel it already, why because im gonna make it awesome, cause i have my wonderful kids, awesome husband, a job, school, and a new awesome roof over our heads, the best disfunction family around and an awesome group of close friends that i know will always be there for me as i am for them, what more could a girl ask for...yay for this journey...im ready!!!
First major change was i got my first job in 7 years a few months back. and i cant even express how perfect it is for me and how thankful i am for it. awesome hours and good pay too. extra money is always a good thing. sometimes i do feel a little overwhelmed but nonetheless very happy and thankful for everything i have going on in my life.
Just a little over a month ago jason and i decided we wanted to move. and within less than one month of looking we stumbled apon an awesome house that we love. so now i am in the sorting and packing mode. its very exciting, its a much bigger house than what we have now, in a good neighborhood. the kids are so excited to be moving, they have lived in this house all their lives and jason and i have been here for 8 years, it was our first home together and even though we are gonna miss it and our awesome neighbors that have been nothing but good to us, its time and the perfect move in the right direction for this moment in our lives. its bitter sweet really!
Dont get me wrong there has defiantly been some bumps in the road this year for me but i have put on the brakes and slowly moved on over them. Made the best decission for this year when i decided to rmove myself for a trainwreck friendship i had been in for year and i can honestly say i had such a feeling of relief from it. So much drama gone. and i over all have been such a better person because of it. Im happier than i have been in along long time and i never even realized how much that one person had brought me down for all those years. you cant have a relationship with someone thats life is so horrible that they feel they have to make everyone elses lives bad just to get some joy in their little world...its sad...but i realized who my real friends were the whole time and i am sooooo much more thankful for the good ones now that i have had a bad one, funny how that works out huh!!!
2012 is gonna be the best year yet i can feel it already, why because im gonna make it awesome, cause i have my wonderful kids, awesome husband, a job, school, and a new awesome roof over our heads, the best disfunction family around and an awesome group of close friends that i know will always be there for me as i am for them, what more could a girl ask for...yay for this journey...im ready!!!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
chauking it up
I know im not the only person in the world that likes to feel wanted, loved, and appreciated, everyone in the world longs for that in each relationship they have with someone. i have always wanted to feel that way from the people in my life and i have always been disapointed, by everyone! i have now determined i have set the bar for these things way too high!!! maybe i have set it so high that the people in my life just simply cant reach my expectations.
I have been disapointed more times than not in last several months when it comes to things in my life. I have been disapointed in my family and friends and in myself. All i have ever wanted was to be appreciated for the things i do, i want my husband to appreciate me for all that i do for him and the kids around the house, for being able to do all those things while going to school and working parttime also...i want him to want and to show me he loves me which i feel like never happens, it seems like after 12 years of being together the only time he show me any attention is when he wants some and then everything he does and says is vulgar and thats it. I want my family to appreciate all i do for them and to respect my feelings and stuff. I want to be able to say that i have a best friends and really feel it to be true, i want feel like im someones best friend also, i want to have them miss me when i havent seen them or talked to them in a while, and i want them to treasure me like i treasure them. and even though i have a wonderful husband and two perfect children, and awesome family and a few good friends i still feel like these things are missing in my life. i often find myself feeling leftout, not wanted, and taken advantage of. I am chalking this up to nothing more than jealousy!!! and i mean ME jealous because i see the people i want these things from so badly giving these things to other people and i feel like im not! for example: there was this one girl that i totally considered my very best friend in the world and i would see how she was let her friends out of town know how much she missed them and couldnt wait to see them, i get it they dont live near each other so she probably did miss them and couldnt wait to see them and hang out but just because her and i lived closer to each other, we still didnt see each other or even talk that much and she never not even once ever thought those things about me when i missed her terribly and the friendship we once had of being together all the time and knowing everything about each other! now example 2: another friends of mine i have been friends with nearly my whole life, her and i are very close and i would also consider her one of my very best friends, we have been hanging out a whol lot in the past few months, doing all kinds of things together, and even letting our kids play together, it was awesome... but the last weeks i completely feel like i have been tossed over in the ditch because she has becomes friends with someone else and they are together every single day...im not included. i like this other girl just fine, she seems just fine i guess im just jealous because i had been able to hang out with my friends alot and now that has ended, plus my friends has been letting the other girl know how much she loves her, and appreciated her friendship, and how much fun she has with her all the time and she never ever told me any of those things. i also recall my friends saying that she was so happy for her and that other girls girl time together because that had been missing in her life for a very long time, like what am i chopped lver or soemthing, i guess all those days and nights i spent hanging out with her were nothing. me, i would consider it fun girl time so when i saw her writing that to the other girl my feelings were totally hurt. and now once again ignored phone calls and texts and not doing things with me but then doing things with the other girl has gotten me in a not sooo good place, of wondering and questioning just like my last good friend did, all because im jealous i guess. all i know is i dont like it!!! and im not sure what i need to do not to be this way and feel this way all the time...i could use some words of advise
I have been disapointed more times than not in last several months when it comes to things in my life. I have been disapointed in my family and friends and in myself. All i have ever wanted was to be appreciated for the things i do, i want my husband to appreciate me for all that i do for him and the kids around the house, for being able to do all those things while going to school and working parttime also...i want him to want and to show me he loves me which i feel like never happens, it seems like after 12 years of being together the only time he show me any attention is when he wants some and then everything he does and says is vulgar and thats it. I want my family to appreciate all i do for them and to respect my feelings and stuff. I want to be able to say that i have a best friends and really feel it to be true, i want feel like im someones best friend also, i want to have them miss me when i havent seen them or talked to them in a while, and i want them to treasure me like i treasure them. and even though i have a wonderful husband and two perfect children, and awesome family and a few good friends i still feel like these things are missing in my life. i often find myself feeling leftout, not wanted, and taken advantage of. I am chalking this up to nothing more than jealousy!!! and i mean ME jealous because i see the people i want these things from so badly giving these things to other people and i feel like im not! for example: there was this one girl that i totally considered my very best friend in the world and i would see how she was let her friends out of town know how much she missed them and couldnt wait to see them, i get it they dont live near each other so she probably did miss them and couldnt wait to see them and hang out but just because her and i lived closer to each other, we still didnt see each other or even talk that much and she never not even once ever thought those things about me when i missed her terribly and the friendship we once had of being together all the time and knowing everything about each other! now example 2: another friends of mine i have been friends with nearly my whole life, her and i are very close and i would also consider her one of my very best friends, we have been hanging out a whol lot in the past few months, doing all kinds of things together, and even letting our kids play together, it was awesome... but the last weeks i completely feel like i have been tossed over in the ditch because she has becomes friends with someone else and they are together every single day...im not included. i like this other girl just fine, she seems just fine i guess im just jealous because i had been able to hang out with my friends alot and now that has ended, plus my friends has been letting the other girl know how much she loves her, and appreciated her friendship, and how much fun she has with her all the time and she never ever told me any of those things. i also recall my friends saying that she was so happy for her and that other girls girl time together because that had been missing in her life for a very long time, like what am i chopped lver or soemthing, i guess all those days and nights i spent hanging out with her were nothing. me, i would consider it fun girl time so when i saw her writing that to the other girl my feelings were totally hurt. and now once again ignored phone calls and texts and not doing things with me but then doing things with the other girl has gotten me in a not sooo good place, of wondering and questioning just like my last good friend did, all because im jealous i guess. all i know is i dont like it!!! and im not sure what i need to do not to be this way and feel this way all the time...i could use some words of advise