recovery

well surgery didnt go as planned, was suppose to go in have it taken out and then head back to the house same day, but leave it up to me to have a huge liver in the way taking much longer in surgery, some extra bleeding resulting in a drain tube and over night stay in the hospital with lots of pain... and note to self even though they was giving me to "good stuff" while in the hospital, moraphine isnt really all that great for pain, it just makes you so drowsy and looney just dont really care that your still hurting really bad. and of course jason didnt stay with me that night in the hospital, my step mom debbie did, jason never stays with me when i have had to stay over in the hospital, poor thing might miss a few hours of sleep, since i have been home jason has taken care of the kids good but the house work is piling up and im just too sore still to do it so i guess it will just pile on up...

and of course during moments like this people show you there true colors, so many people called, texted, messaged me, and stuff to check on me and i was so thankful for that, shows you that people really do care, and then some people do the very opposite, and of course thats when i remind myself that i shouldnt have been expecting anything from them in the first place so that i wouldnt be dissapointed and once i have reminded myself of that, i never give it another thought.

had a wonderful Easter even though i wasnt feeling the best, i was able to spend it with all my family, my moms side on saturday with dinner and egg hunt at my house and then with my dads side on sunday with lunch and egg hunt, kids had a blast and that was all i wanted was to see them have fun...Easter bunny was too good to them as well...maybe cause they are such awesome kids...dont find kids like my kids these days, grateful, thankful, respectful, loving, caring, and they behave, i sure dont know any.  knowing me you know this weekend was a wonderful one for me because of all the storms we got, i just loved loved loved it, still got a few more day of them to come too and im very excited about that. oh and i have had two new babies born in the family in a week, very exciting, baby lilly james dillon was born last monday and is gorgeous and then briar easton babb surprised us all with his appearance on easter sunday, funny huh, Easton born on Easter!!! and he is so handsome as well...sure makes me want another one sometimes when i see all these precious little babies, i really miss mine being that small, times has just flown by and all my babies are growing up on me and i dont know what to do...i keep reminding my sisters that they need to have me some more neice and nephews to keep my baby fix but its just not working too well....lol

well seems as if all that moriphine they gave me is still haviing some effects on me and i feel as if i could pass out at anytime alseep, im gonna end this right here and take a bit of a nap maybe...sooo but im pretty hungry too...too many choices

blah blah blah

is sitting here just plum exhausted, trying to get all the laundry, dishes, floorsand everything else cleaned up and done before i go to have my gallbladder taken out in the morning. i also have some homework and a couple tests to study for and i feel as if i havent had any sleep. it seems the only way to get some rest is to go in for surgery. And even though im not actually nervous about the surgery itself, i am very uneasy about the recovery process and the fact that jason is gonna be taking care of the kids and the house for a couple days all by himself. This meaning nothing is gonna get done and will all be waiting for me as soon as i can do it myself. and there will be nothing but arguing and stuff going on because jason has no patients when it comes to the kids and the kids tend to test him way more than they do me...so the more i think about the more i realize it will be a rushed recovery process if i want to keep my sanity.

on another note this semester is almost to the end and i am doing great still...i have A's in every class but one and i am very very proud, i have actually really enjoyed this semester and cant wait to get going on the next one, gonna take more classes next time, im confident that it will be good as well. still seriously thinking about changing my major to meteorology. i just know i would love it.

i have been the mood to go out and hang out with friends lately and thanks to my girl Jenn i have been able to get away from the house a few times and hang out with her a bit, i love it and need it at times. i dont have many people to hang out with these days and not usually not hardly anytime to do so either, but its nice to know someone is thinking about you and wants to see and talk to you in between the busy stresses of life...its good to have some relief sometimes...is still so excited about this weekend full of easter fun, hunting eggs, family and friends, and good food...even though ill be moving slow i cant wait to see the kids all excited, they just love hunting eggs and they are gonna be able to a few different times this weekend, also gonna color a bunch of eggs, we all love doing that also. well thought i would write a quick blog since i hadnt in a while so there ya go...have a great day.

frustrated

woke up this morning after having a dream and was madder than fire, with lots to say to a certain person and the more i thought about it the madder i got, i got up out of the bed and got the kids up and breakfast made and thought about what i was gonna say to this person, everything i felt, let them know about themselves and then i realized all of sudden how they were not worth one breath from me or one second of my thoughts.

its odd how a dream will bring back up something that you havent even thought about in a long minute, and then its all right back, all the anger, and frustration and wanting to let those people know about themselves, i have always been a very confrontational person, i will let you know exactly how i feel about almost anything without worrying about what you really think. the fact that i havent really told these people exactly what i think of them i believe is what has brought it all back up to me again in a dream, especially since i have been having very descriptive dreams lately. All i want to do is come face to face with them and let them know how hypicritical they are, and childish, and as much as they may think they are christians, they really need to re-evalute themselves with the way they act and treat others that have done nothing but help them out in the past and do for them, love them and pray for them. talk about people behind their backs and make up lies about them... sometimes i wonder how i let them slip under my radar and why i ever did so much for them and gave a crap about them when i was witnessing them do others this way, i should have def know they would do it to me as well...i must have been stupid or something...i know that coming face to face with them and telling everything i thought would have no effect on them cause they enjoy being the way they are like its a game or something to them and all their friends but still i really think it would make me feel better but why waste my time and breath, they are not worth it, not one bit, they will be the ones to have to live with the way they have done people and trying to call themselves christians there is no place for me to to do it for them, it will come back to them soon enough....

these dreams are really starting to bother me with bringing back up all kinds of different things i hadnt worried with in a while...but oh well...just thought i would vent this out this morning and get some of it off my chest persay.

the week ahead

so as monday was sure to come here i am at 6 in the morning on riverannes spring break wide awake while both kids are still sleeping, jason just went to work. i wanted nothing more than the kids to sleep in so i could and that just didnt happen. oh well. as i sit here in the darken house im very hopeful and excited for the storms we are suppose to be getting today, i just cant say enough how much i really really love them...i could have it come a thunderstorm every other day. My windows are open and im loving the warm tempts and the awesome breeze coming in. and as calm as i am right now i am also very overwhelmed with all that i have going on this week. oh how i wish i was on the beach relaxing all week, soaking up the sun, and having a blast like my youngest sister is this week, but as she is living the dream, im here at home living the reality.

Today starts the fun, i have to take my daughter to the dr this morning because she has been having alot of issues with not being able to hear. i catch her with her tv blaring all the time saying she cant hear it. It has been taking me 3 or 4 times saying here name before she seems to hear me and answer me and as much as i would like to get angry thinking it is just selective hearing im afraid that it really isnt and that she is having some real trouble with her ears and really cant hear me. she has always had alot of trouble with ear infections and now i just praying that there is nothing permenantly wrong with her poor little ears because of them.

on another medical note, i am also gonna be having a procedure done this week, an upper scope run on my stomach because they are wanting to check and make sure i dont have a hernia, or something else wrong before they go ahead and remove my gallbladder which is full of gall stones, i only pray that they fing out something might explain all the stomach issues and back pain i have been having for way to long now. i cant lie and say im not nervous, they say i will be sudated but im still tripping about feeling the scope being put down my throat, and then im tripping about being put all the way out for my gallbladder to be removed as well, even though i have had two c section i was awake for them so this will be the first time i have ever been completely put under.

 and yet another glorious thing this week is, this is jasons long week to work making it even less time he is here to help me out with everything else going on and i have to be at western tuesday all day for class and a test, then thursday for class and a test, and then again on friday for yet another wonderful test, yep you heard that right, three tests this week along with everything else..yay for me. and as much as i really should be studying for the three test i have, i am sitting here on the computer typing away. you know i scheduled this whole semester of college around jason working 2nd shift and it was all working out great until his job decided to move him to a 12 hour day shift right in the middle of my semester forcing me to search and try and find a babysitter for a son and now both of my children since riveranne is on spring break this week, not an easy task might i add, but it has all worked out so far, it just makes it all very stressful for me at time.

now on to a lighter topic, this weekend was awesome, perfect weather, jason was off, and we had a great time all together, much needed family time for sure. it was perfect. its coming upon that time again for cookouts and family and friends time and i just simply cant wait, its my favorite time of the years, so many fun things you can do in the spring and summer. and now my loves have awaken so my life of milk and honey buns has started...good morning everyone.

i be strokin

At the beginning of my senior year i would have never imagined that i would gain such a friendship with the unlikely person that i did. but after attending her baby shower, the first moment of our friendship, we were always together after that. I had other friends but none like her. Before becoming friends with her my life revolved only around my soon to be husband, with friends only at school and at work but none i actually hung out with.

It was odd how alike we were and all the things we had in common and the fun and crazy things we did together, i could go on for days. i was thrilled when she had her precious little boy, i loved him like he was my own, and loved being able to be around them all the time when he was so little. As i sit here thinking i cant help but share some of the crazy things we have done with you. we were in the generation of cruising the strip and there we were many a weekends jamming out to whip it good and strokin, while i sucked the wrapper right off a bingo dabber. back and forth we would go just laughing and having a great time. once we even talked a police officer into giving us his handcuffs so we could cuff each other and take picture which imbelieve have made it on to the internet somehow...jk. we have lit farts in my car until she lit one that caught her pants on fire as the flame followed the fart down the leg of her pants, we had to smack the fire out, it was awesome!!! and yet not the only time she tried to burn my truck up, on the way to slammin and jammin the first year, the best year, we went she lit her cig backwards and the flames were touching the ceiling, we were both screaming over that one. and now that i have brought up slammin and jammin let me just mention that we had the best time ever with our own little way of getting beads, having a naked guy with a cowboy hat covering his willy jump in the back of my truck, seeing two of the biggest titties we have ever seen in our lives, trying to scrub the soot off the back of her neck from sitting in the line of wind from the burnouts, and everything in between. It was def a weekend ill never forget.

and there is a new year that stands out to me when a she slightly lit, decided to tag along to the pizza place from a party we had been at, she informed me that the glasgow municipal airport was yearly lit, and laid up on the counter at dominos, after i told her to stay in the car, and proceeded to tell the very large guy behind that counter that she knew him and had once spanked him with a peacock feather...i for sure she was gonna get a PI. but she didnt!!! i have been with her when she caught one of her boyfriends cheating and threw the bitch down the stairs, while being stalked by another ex boyfriend at the mcdonalds, being the get away car...lol, acting retarded at the walmart and laughing in the rain cause we couldnt even walk to the car, many trips to upton and acting like lesbos, watching scary movies and getting the shit scared out of by two different guys named derek! and me screaming thinking i was dying making her poor four year old son think he was dying all because she decided to stop in the middle of a country road with a damn posume in the road right in front of us, the second posume we had seen that night...im terrified of posumes.

And as we became of age we progressed out fun to the ramada!!! dancing around having a blast, and always singing to our song, I be strokin nearly every weekend. that was were i was attacked by an old man, and where she met her husband, but not before we played with a few peoples drunk minds by telling them we were twin and i just hogged all the nutrients while we were in the womba nd that was why i was sooo big and she was soooo little...

we even almost killed her husband before he was her husband during a water fight in her house were he slipped and came down on his neck and back with feet in the air, at the same time that she was throwing a mop bucket of water on him, resulting in him laying in the floor unconscious drowning, me screaming and her peeing her pants, he, poor thing still isnt right since that night...but still married her anyways and i was able to witness it as her maid of honor!

I seriously could go on and on and on about all the crazy fun times we have had together but its about my bedtime and im prob boring you!!! But i can honestly say i have never had a friend like her...lots of good times and lots of bad, but its always be me and her through them all...and yes we have had our ups and downs also but hey what friends dont, we have always got through them as well. I just realized that even though we are still friends we are so different than we used to be, we are now two old married women with kids, housework and school work, not much time to hang out, whippin it good and strokin it to the left, and i miss it terribly sometimes especially when im sitting at home bored like i am tonight. i really love to just chat with her and think back about all the stuff we have done. oh well its still me and her, just a different me and her!!!

set myself up for this

all my life i have been a giver!!! im the one that gives all i have in every single relationship and friendship i have ever been in. i cant help its just the way that i am. i want the people in my life to know that i am there for them, that i love them and that i want them to be happy. and i do all in my power for them to know these things. family and friends i do the same. i think many times i have outdone myself and now when something is going on or someone needs something who do they come to....ME...!!! and im there as usual, to bring a laugh, listen, advice when asked, and for whatever else.
dont get me wrong its nice to feel like im needed. but who is there for the girl that is there for everyone? there are fewer than i can count on one hand. hardly anyone there and concerned or interested in the bad and good going on in my life. no one i can run too, talk too about any and everything thats on my mind at any given time. its odd to me at times when i really think of all the times i have been there for people and never not even once have they or would they probably ever be there that way for me and its just plan and simply sad. sometimes its  like with all i give to everyone else im not even worth an answered phone call or text or a call back, something that doesnt surprise me in the least but still bothers me when i sit and think about it. maybe there needs to be some change in the way i am with people, maybe i shouldnt make myself so available for this kind of thing to happen. you know the saying goes treat others the way you want to be treat and i have done that my whole life but i really feel sorry for certain ones if i start treating people the way they treat me. use me for all i have to give and then dont know me when things are so bad. oh how it would be so nice to have a FEW good friends that i could share good times with, visits, and chats, shopping, movies and whatever else we could do that would be fun. and then again to be there is something bad arose in my life...oh well this is something i have dealt with my whole life i should be used to it by now

its just a dream

so for years and years i have been having this one certain kinda dream about my husband, i have at least once a month and its always about him cheating on me. i know and if you know jason you will also know that doesnt have that in him, i really dont think he would ever cheat on me, he would end our relationship first. i never doubt him, i completely trust him therefore i have no clue why i keep having these dreams all the time. they are very descriptive and real, the kind that you cant get off your mind all day long and not only are they the same but they also take right off where the last one ended and they just continue on. in the dreams i always find out jason is cheating on me and when i confront him about it he thinks its funny has no remorse and doesnt plan on stopping, everyone else already knew and there i am looking like an idiot, and the odd thing is i always stay with him and still want to make it work knowing he is not going to change because we have children together. i would never be that way in real life, ever. for one i really dont think jason would be able to pull something like that off without me knowing, im very sneaky and sly and i always find things out when i want to, for two i would never stand for someone cheating on me and me putting up with it just because i have kids with them. it would be over and done with on the spot which is another reason why i find these dreams so weird. in one of the dreams i had found out jason had cheated on me yet again and i went and cheated on him to get back at him, also something i would never do. and then last night the dream was no different than normal except at the end of the dream i actually left him. i really wish that this means i will no longer have these dreams anymore, i dont like them at all, cause even thought i know he would never do that to me they just keep those things on my mind and i dont like that at all.

this is not the first time i have had a series of dreams but the times before they were about someone else, a friend i hadnt seen in years and in the dreams i would always see this person across the room or crowd but i couldnt ever get to them to speak to them and i wanted nothing more than to get to them and speak to them, or i would run into someone that new the person and wouldnt tell me anything or how i could reach them, it would always make me so upset because i just wanted to get to them but i couldnt. and even though i have always had very descriptive dreams lately since i have been on a new medication my dreams have been even more descriptive making them even harder to get over...i think i need some therapy or something, these things are making me crazy for real.