babies???

          My husband and i have been blessed with the perfect little family one daughter and one son...i was more than willing to try again for a third child but after our son was born my husband decided he did not want anymore kids, not wanting to be the kind of wife that would push my husband into having another child if he didnt want to i went with him to his consultation to have a vasectomy and i sign along with him to have it done. when our son was 11 months old my husband had his vasectomy. i cant lie that i was somewhat saddened over it all because i have only wanted to be a mother my entire life, my husband and i have the more gorgeous kids and i just wasnt completely ready to end the chances of us ever having anymore but it was done.
          Now over three years later, our daughter is now 7 and our son is now 4 and i have been itching for another baby for a while now knowing there is nothing i can do about. With my husband having a vasectomy and with his two checks to make sure it was successful we have not used any protection and now here i am, LATE!!! I have never been late except for the two time when i found out i was pregnant. but not only am i late on my period but i have been having other things happen that only happened to me when i was pregnant, i have been gagging off and on when i smoke a cig, i am having weakness in my left wrist, i had a random puking spell with no nausiousness and i have had a yeast infection all of things have never happened to me ever in my life except for when i was pregnant with my two children. i really dont know wht to think about it all, im trying really hard not to get my hiopes up or excited because i am more than likely not pregnant but its still very odd to me. I mentioned it to my husband and he got every upset. letting me know that the reason he got a vasectomy was because he didnt want anymore children, he made the comment even though im sure he wasnt serious about it being someone elses child. it hurt my feelings that he took me mentioneding it to him about all these things made him so very mad and upset. when i would be overjoyed about the though of us having another child unplanned and it being a surprise. now i am terrified about even taking a test afraid that if for some miracle that i am pregnant again after him having a vasectomy that he would be so upset and mad about it that it would ruin our marriage...im not sure what to do or where to go from here, i know soon or later if i am it will be known maybe i should just wait it out.

holiday season

i just love this time of year. it all starts with halloween which has been one of my favorite holidays eveery since i can remember, i love scary movies, haunted houses, dressing up and trick or treating and the kids and i really have a blast each year doing all that we can fit in our schedules. i just love it. then comes thanksgiving and since im an eater and i love good food its an awesome time also, i love being able to get together with all my family and enjoy awesome food and conversation. and then comes the best of all christmas. i love christmas and even though i know its not about the gifts and is about the birth of Jesus christ, i still love nothing more than to buy the people i love gifts that i know they will love. i enjoy watching them open presents...the excitement on my childrens faces come christmas morning is something that i look forward to all year long. it brings joy into my heart. having these times and holidays where all family can come together and enjoy time with each other is very important and very special to me...i just sure wish my grandparents were still here to be with us also during these times.

ima bestfriend bitch kinda girl

you know this is going to be a big venting session because i have alot of things on my mind lately and if i dont get them off in some way im gonna snap on someone and it is not going to be pretty...AT ALL!!! i think of myself as a laid back kinda girl, i love to have fun, i have a large and wild sense of humor and i am very forward, and unfiltered that usually makes people like me, think im hilarious, and also a bit crazy, i dont mind one bit, its just the way i am, i say what i think whether other peoplee think i should or not, i dont care what people think of me. i say what i think, i do what i want, im open, and ready to have a good time at all times. i can be your best friend and when i feel strongly for someone i will do anything i can for them. but im def not a person that should be crossed. i dont do well with people stepping to me especially when its over something really stupid. and i dont do well with people thinking they are better than me and trying to screw me over either. i dont feel like my thoughts and feelings should be held back in attempt not to offend someone else and im def not someone that will deal with a bunch of bullshit, or take shit off of anyone therefore, not only do i have tons of friends but i also have tons of enemies. i have always been this way, its not like its something new so dont act surprised or offended by me now!!! if i dont like something you will def know about it sorry if you cant handle the truth. so on to my point with it all. i always end up being the bad guy in any situation, why? because im the one that will SAY what everyone else in the room is THINKING. i will take the heat i dont mind because i can handle it. but with that statement know that i am usually just that the one willing to speak it but everyone feels the same way i do.
ok once i am crossed i tend to hold on to that, which should also be no surprise to anyone that has known me. example: once i know that you have said you dont want your child subjected to my vulgar mouth, my none filtering, my childrens mouths, you dont like the way i raise my children or the way i handle them, you think my children are rowdy and out of control  and that they are covered in some kind of contagious disease they are going to spread around, we havent been invited to your house in over a freakin year, dont be texting me and calling me now inviting me over. thats just dumb, after knowing you said and thought all those things about me and my children why in the world would i be stupid enough to come to your house with them.
i get it iam sarcastic nearly all of the time, i tend to make jokes and poke fun all the time and this is something i have always done therefore why get your panties in a bunch now over it especially after i told you it was a joke yet you still run your mouth about it, its cool though, someone people cant handle me, and dont have the kinda sense of humor it takes to deal with me what i find funny is that it took all these year before you decided you couldnt handle it anymore. im not stupid i get it, i know excatly whats going on and why. see my true colors have always been on display yours however are just now coming out. and they arent cute colors either. someone people are willing to deal with it and put up with it but me doll, im am not one of them. if you want to know exactly what i think ask me, you know ill tell you, its nothing for me to eliminate one more person. what i dont think you understand is how easy it is for me not to care. its actually a flaw of mine. i can careless in the matter of seconds and once that happens there is no going back, learned that quick this summer when i thought i could go back to putting up with someones shit when in all truth, i could have cared less for her and anything going on with her...it was just a joke to think it would be any different.
finally getting this off my chest helps some but doesnt disolve the pissed offness i have in me with all the bullshit that has been going on lately. ive just realized that nothing is going to change, so im just gonna live my life the way i always have. i can be your best friend but i can be one hell of bitch as well. holding this all in was causing me to want to blow up and it would have been bad. so read this vent session and take it however you want, print it out, take notes. but dont come at me with them this time, keep it to yourself cause we have tried the talking crap and it never does any good so no need in wasting any more breath on it...it is what it is. but i hope you know its not you and its def not me thats gonna be hurting from it all!
now after not seeing my sorry ass father in law for over a year now, and my hubby finally decided he wasnt going to fool with him anymmore either, i was sooo excited to finally have that trouble maker out of our lives and not have to deal with his antics and drama all the damn time, he sent my daughter a cold check for her birthday and two weeks after my sons birthday he decided to send him a cold check as well in card and said "see you soon" in it...WELL since i dont want to have anything to do with him, and his own son, my hubby, doesnt wnt to have anything to do with him, he has been told and numbers have been changed i would really like to see how in the world he thinks he is going to be seeing my kids....so what am i doing now, waiting for the time when that dumbass tries to show up here at my house where he knows he is not welcomed and its going to be one hell of scene. im going to let him know everything i have every thought about him and he will be take off my property by the police or ill handle it my way, one way or the other he isnt seeing my kids. with all the bullshit i have been dealing with lately i dare him to show up here. is it bad that im beyond pissed about it but excited at the same time to finally have the chance to lay into him the way i have always wanted to...shew wee. revengefull....another one of my many flaws.

brats

          I whitnessed a brat today for the very first time in my daughter, i was completely shocked and very upset. ok, with my husbands work schedule and my childrens school times, my husband does not get to see my kids at all during the week. saturdays and sundays are the only days he gets to spend with them and more than half the time he only gets to spend precious time with them on sundays. this fact upsets my husband and my children quite often and leaves me heart broken seeing them upset over it with nothing that i can do about it or change it. so today my husband went to the store and came back home with two small toys, a small lego set for my son who just started preschool this year, and a small mario princess figure for my daughter. he left them on the table for each of them with a sweet note for each. when we came home ryder ran to the table and was completely excited to see what daddy had gotten him, i read him the note and he was so happy. riveranne on the other side, walked over to it saw that it was a small figure and said " this is just stupid". with me already having a very stressful day and being in complete shock that those words had just come out of her mouth, i completely lost it on her. i couldnt even help it. i let her know that she was completely rude, and disrespectful for saying that when daddy had gotten her that thing because he had been missing her so very much, i also let her know that he didnt have to get her anything and that she now would not recieve this gift from him either. i called her a little brat (which maybe i shouldnt have) and told her i was extremely disapointed in her. she then became very upset herself crying, and continued to cry and apologize for about an hour and half. yet i  still did not let her have the gift, i told her it would be returned to the store and that she would NEVER act that way ever again.
          The reason this upset me so much and shocked me so, was because neither of my children have ever been like that ever before. they have both always been so grateful for everything they have ever gotten. when asked what they want for birthdays and christmas they will name a few things but will also tell you that they will love anything that you get them. so to hear that come out of her mouth ran all over me and i knew i need to take drastic messures to make sure that shit never happened again. i think i got the point across. She wrote her daddy a note saying she was sorry but she also realizes that just because she cried and said she was sorry that doesnt mean that she is going to get the gift back because she is not.
          I know too many brat kids, more than i would ever care to know actually. i swore when i became a mother that my children would never be like that ever. i know children that get whatever they want whenever they want it, even if that means they get a new toy each time they go to the store, they are rude and disrespectful, they are not thankful for anything that they have or get and always want more and better things. dont get me wrong my kids do for the most part get everything they ever want but they only get them when it is birthdays and christmas and not on an everyday basis and they understand the reasons why. i will not ever buy my kids love. my kids know i love them because of the time i spend with them and the attention and affection i give them. too many people these days think they have to buy their childrens love which results in snotty brat kids that are so disrispectful and ungrateful and i can honestly say i cant stand being around kids like that or parents that have made their kids like that and the sad thing is more people are like this these days than not. i know for a fact that my daughter saw someone else act like that and thought she could do it, she is only 7 and im sure she was testing the water, the fact is i will not tolerate her acting like that, and i know for a FACT i have not raised her to act like that. so im completely happy to say that i am convinced that this will not happen again., and i will take all messure possible to make sure my child is not around other parents and kids that are. it is not something i want my kids subjected too.

falling back into things

      I cant believe the most awesome summer we have ever had, has now come to an end. No more staying up super late, sleeping in, going to the pool 3 or 4 times a week, getting my tan on, being with my sister Heather and nephew Gage every single day, and being able to do alot of fun things with my friends, no school, no work, cookouts, parties with friends, days with nothing specific to do and being able to do whatever we want whenever we want. Its the end of a wonderful time. It now time to buckle down and get ourselves back in the game of going to bed on time, and getting up early, school, homework, and schedules. Riveranne is now in the second grade and even though she was not thrilled about summer break being over and having to head back to school, once she got there, met her new teacher and saw all of her friends she now says this is going to be the best year and has been completely enjoying herself. I was hoping and praying that certain events with certain idiotic people that occurred at the end of last school year wouldnt return with this school year and thankfully it will not because the people that were causing problems last year were banned from the property and no longer allowed to enroll their kids there. so sign of them and so reason for trouble this year which makes this mama very happy. I completely love that school and everyone employed there. They are a wonderful group of people that my family and i have become very close with. Ryder has not started school yet but will be starting preschool in two weeks and he is so excited to be able to go to school like sissy does. Im so happy that he is excited but im totally prepared for at least a couple of weeks of meltdowns since he has never been away from me, and i hope he does ok as well...lol. I already know that this is going to be a bit more difficult for me than it was when Riveranne went to preschool because Ryder is my last baby and Im just not ready for him to be so big. I was suppose to start school here in a few weeks as well but with some complications with my financial aid i have decided to withdraw this semester and then return again in January when i dont have so many things going on in my life. I would rather take a semester off than to struggle with my school work and chance not doing as well as i would want to.
       So been super super busy doing things to get ready for Heather and corey's wedding in a little over a month and i have been having a blast. Had them a very nice mexican themed wedding shower a month ago and now we are planning Heather a fun personal bride shower here in a couple of months and then bachelorette party in Nashville planned here in a couple weeks as well. I cant believe my little sister is finally getting married, i am so happy for her and corey. They are going all out on this very special event and i cant even describe how excited i am about it all we are going to have a freakin blast. My baby sister Amy is fixing to pop. She is expecting her first baby girl here any day now and my first little niece and i just cant wait to see that precious little thing. I have been having some major baby fever for a while now and with the sad truth that jason and i cant have anymore kids i am ready to feed my fever and get my hands on that sweet baby girl. And then my step sister christy is expecting her second son come october which is already an awesome month being mine and ryders birthday month. all these babies coming, im not gonna know what to do with myself. Im so excited for my family and all the wonderful blessing we are getting this year.
       Excitement has been around every corner, some good and some bad. Earlier this week, i decided i would keep Gage all night so the kids could have one more night together and day at the pool before school started. After putting the kids to bed i went to step outside to smoke, it was dark, and all of a sudden i heard someone running down the steps on my porch, i took one step out the door and saw a man jumping my fence. I was so stunned by it i just stepped back in the house, locked the door, and called the police and my daddy. My daddy arrived first and searched my yard finding nothing, a good 15 minutes later the police finally arrived and also checked everything out and found nothing. They said they would patrol over here a little extra for the rest of the week and that was it. Thank God whoever it was ran off because if he had actually been trying to come in i would have had no choice but to shoot him because the police were in no hurry to get here and check it out. So now im a bit paranoid because after the fact i realized that my blinds had been open and there is no telling how long the guy had been on my porch looking in at me and the kids. Freaky very freaky...no needless to say i am locked and loaded and ready for whatever mind jump loose over here. I mean we lived at our other house for over 9 years, 3 of those our neighbor was a very well known drug dealer and nothing like this ever happened over there, i wasnt ever even worried at all, but now we have moved to an old, very quiet neighborhood and jasons car was broke into and everything stolen and now this, what the crap...kinda feel like we are being targeted or something but im not sure who it would be, i have several enemies so there really is no telling. Luckily everyone is ok and i promise i will do everything i can to make sure it stays that way. im a tough bitch!!! and thankfully i have such awesome guy friends (Ced and Mitch) that live near by that have both called to check on us and ensure me that all i had to do was give them a call and they would be here to have my back, sure makes me feel good since my lovely husband works second shift and cant be here at times.
        If you know me and my kids you know that i have some of the funniest kids around, they just say the craziest things sometimes, and often take me, who is not effected by much, completely by shock. If you are a friend of mine on facebook you get the pleasure of reading about some of the things they say and do because i find it completely necessary to share those things that i find hysterical. Just yesterday my three year old son thought he would share with me that his balls were sweating and my three year old nephew told me just two days ago that he loved me and called me "BIGUN". I cant help but laugh at them when they do these things even if i know i should turn into appropriate mom and let them know those are not nice things to say, i just cant help it. I probably doesnt help that i dont have any kind of filter myself. i can be very real, crude, rude, and ever vulgar on a daily basis. i think it makes me hilarious and awesome and most other people do as well, however i do tend to rub some people the wrong way at times but hey thats me and i love me. and i totally love the fact that my kids including my nephew are going to be just like me.
       I can honestly say that i have never been one to have a ton of friends, i just never have, im not sure why really but within the last year i have realized that i have a ton of awesome friends. Our car club friends are really more like family, we completely love being around them and we would all do anything for one another and that feeling is so awesome. I have really became close with big sexys wifey jodie, we are so much alike and we have a freakin blast when we are together, we can talk about anything to each other and we really cut up and i love it and i completely appreciate her friendship. and then there is Terrie, i completely love this woman, she amazes me with everything she does, she is super mom. with 6 gorgeous, very well behaved kids, she also goes to school and works. I have really enjoyed hanging out with her this summer even though we havent been able to as much as i would have liked. she is hilarious and we always have a good laugh when we are together and i completely appreciate her friendship as well. No one can touch my chunky dunk, i am beyond thrilled that she now back with me and she better not ever move away again. She is by far my very best friend (beside my sister) and i love being with her and her family. our kids love each other and we are just all around one big happy family. i love her to pieces and i could never express what her friendship has meant to me all these years. I also love the fact that i have made new friends because of jenn, like amanda who i also think is awesome. i am beyond blessed to have such awesome friends right now in my life, its something that i have missed for so long and never even realized it until these awesome ladies came into my life. I love you all so much. what more could a girl ask for, an awesome family and friends. Thats what makes the world go around. so all in all im ready to fall back into the swing of this thing called life. bring it on!!!

summertime fun

       i know it has been awhile since my last blog but i have just been enjoying my drama free, pool filled summer with my family and friends. since my last blog i got a no contact order against the idiots that were causing me troubles by request of the elem school principal so he would have reason to ban them from the school property. and since i did that i have not seen them or heard a word from them and it has been glorious!!! dont get me wrong a no contact order is something i would have never done on my own, i am def a whip their ass and move on kinda girl but i did it and its done and it has obviously works so i guess its a win win... now onto much less depressing matters.
        With school letting out for me and my daughter, me being laid off work for the summer and my sister also being out of work this summer we have been taking advantage of every single day... we got a summer pass for all of us to the city pool and we have been burning it up, at least 3-4 days a week we have been there, getting our tans on, swimming it up and having a blast us and the kids and it has been amazing. there is no one in this world that i am more close to than my sister, she is literally my very best friend. if we arent swimming, we are cooking out or just hanging out nearly every single day. this is the best summer by far.
        My bestest chunky dunker has decided to move back home to me, which means back to the same county as i am in and i couldnt be more excited, i have missed her terribly. I have been able to see her or talk to her as much as usual and now i am hoping that will change. Not only is my chunky dunker back but i have made so many new awesome friends in the past year and i love hanging out with all of them. its awesome to have such wonderful people in my life. something i have been missing for a long long time.
        With all the wonderful festivities going on come the end of the summer i have been busy busy...My baby sister is having her first baby come august, a baby girl, and im so excited. My sister heather is finally marrying her man of 10 years come september and we have been doing all kinds of things for it to help make it perfect for her, she really deserves it. and then my step sister is also having a baby, another baby boy come october so yeah busy busy busy...but its so amazing and im so excited. but i cant lie it is making me want another baby really bad but hey thats nothing new.
        I just recently reconnected with someone i hadnt spoken with in a long time. hoping that this is going to be a good step instead of a bad one, that we will be someday be able to talk about all the problems that we both had that ended our friendship to begin with and i hope that we will be able to be good friends onces again but its going to be a very slow process, one that i am fully willing to give my all in, and take it one step at a time. i just hope from the other end the feelings are the same.
       I have been trying not to deal with the fact that my baby boy is no longer a baby, and even though i am cherishing every single moment with him this summer, come the end of the summer he will be heading off to preschool and i know i am going to loose it. there will be no more sweet baby home with me during the day. and even though i will also be going back to school for my 4th semester its still gonna be hard knowing he isnt at home with me and that he is no longer my sweet baby boy. its sad for me and im not ready for this moment. oh well growing up is a part of life.
       i know i have jumped around in this blog but i had so many things going on that i wanted to share. so until next time yall, and hopefully it wont be as long until my next one and i wont have so much going on that i have to jump around like in this one.

keep it coming

        I have been trying for several months now to just let things go. I have been trying to not let things get to me as bad as i have in the past, not to dwell on the things that do bother me, and i have been trying my hardest not to hold grudges, and not to feel ventictive, and revengeful towards people that have done things to me. However as much as i have tried, to do all these things, a person can only take so much before they snap and reverse back to the person they are trying so hard not to be and this past couple weeks have ruined all the hard work i have put into myself to try and make myself a better person.
       I know i wrote about a couple of family members a while ago in a blog that had been giving me some trouble, family members that have always been drama filled and trouble makers and ones that i have all my life been ashamed to even admit i was related to. Well a few months ago my cousin and i had a blow up over her attacking me over something i had nothing to do with and actually had no clue about was going on. its not the first time this has happen and it surely wont be the last because this is the way they are. if there isnt enough drama going in their lives then they feel the need to create more.  It turned extremely ugly with me stooping to her level and letting her know everything i had ever thought of her (all bad of course, with horrible language). i said what i wanted to say and then i was done. i figured it had been dropped since nothing had been said or done in a couple months. All of a sudden two weeks ago while picking my daughter up from school for a dr's appointment, my daughter jumped in the front seat buckled up and we headed out, my cousin and her friend were sitting in the school parking lot and decided it was necessary to call the police on me telling them that i had let a small child who was suppose to be in the back seat in a carseat up front, the police came to me, questioned me and saw that it was a complete lie and went on their way. why she found it necessary to start the bullshit all back up again i have no clue other than her being a trouble maker and drama whore. so it started back from there....
       From the wednesday she called the police on me, for the rest of that week and the whole week after that, she and the girl she drives around all day decided to blow me kisses, stick their tongues out, and give me the finger each and every morning at the elementary school where our kids attend. i let her and her friend do it all while i gave nothing but a smile because they were stupid enough to do all those things in front of the school i was determined to let them get themselves into trouble and that is exactly what they did... after the teacher that lets the kids out of the cars each morning had witnessed this for over a week she snapped and said she would going to handle it resulting in a letter being sent to my cousin and her friend saying they had been seen harassing me and giving lude gestures in front of the school, were given some guideline and rules for dropping their kids off and told that if it didnt stop they would be banned from the schools property. me being envolve also i was sent a copy of the letter they had recieved to know that the matter was being handled. this was on a friday. that next monday my other cousin decided to start up some crap with my husband over it all, and since none of them can handle their own shit and they all have to get involved i was not sursprise but completely pissed over it and i called them up. my cousin and her friend decided they were going to go to the school and raise some hell over them recieving the letter from them, and to excuse them giving me the finger and stuff in front of the school they made up the lie that i had tried to run them and their children over in the school parking lot, which the school knows is a lie. 15 minutes after leaving the school raising hell they caught me in houchens parking lot loading my groceries and decided to jump me. They ran their vehicle right up on me,  my cousin her friend and her father, jumped out on me screaming yelling, cursing, and trying to fight me right there in the middle of the day in a public place with tons of witnesses who saw them jump me while i was loading groceries. it got extremely ugly until the police showed up and ended it, it was a big mess all because they were blaming me for them getting into trouble at the school. i was recommended to go to the county attorney and i did were i found out they had filed on me saying i had tried to run over them in which i have proof i did not, i went ahead and filed a no contact order on them since it had gotten way out of hand and physical and they have not been served with their no contact no communication orders on all three of the ones that jumped me at the store. and yet they are still following me around town, and i have still been getting private calls letting me know i need to watch my back. but i will say this and i mean it with everything in me, they will not show up at my house, and they will not jump me again, i have taken precaustions to make sure that shit doesnt ever happen again. they are nothing but white trash, skanky, trouble makers, drama whores, that will never be anything in this life or have anything in this life and i will no longer allow myself to be associated with them in any way ever again. they are no relation to me and as far as i am concerned they do not exist and that is perfectly ok with me. so here i am on my way to trying to become a not so angry person, not a grudge holder, and a spiteful, vendictive person once again, its not going to be easy but im trying. i have to cause im gonna let them knock me down to their level. its just a sham that their are so many people out there that thrive on trying to bring others down to their very low level in life....but its not going to be me.....anymore.....