Sunday, August 21, 2011
the bread of life
I GOT A JOB!!! i dont even know how to act...it has literally been nearly 7 years since i had a real job making real money. i so excited, nervous, exhausted, happy...you name it i am it!!! I am a ne employee of lewis bakery and i stock and straighten the bread at the houchens grocery store right here next to my house...how more convient could it be. and to top it off, it only takes me 45 minutes each morning and thats it!!! and i get free bread and over $100 a week, its so perfect i cant even believe it...With all the excitement i have about it and finally being able to make some money to help my family financially i have a little nervousness in me as well...Now not only am i a fulltime mom and wife, fulltime student, an indepentant thirty-one consultant, and an extreme couponer, but now im adding working citizen to that as well...im a little nervouse that i have taken on to much for myself and i would be devastated if i wasnt successful at each and everything im doing at the moment....and with us making it just fine right now with only my husband;s income im so excited for all the extra stuff we are gonna be able to do since i will be contributing a little as well!!! i know this is short and sweet but i just wanted to share the more awesome new that i have gotten....im blessed...too blessed to be stressed!!!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
a tortured mind
As a small child I was nothing like I am now when it comes to people. I would have tiffs with my friends and get right over it and go on like nothing had ever happened. I would never really think about it (the fight) again. I had so many friends and always had a great time with them all.
As a teenager I was put in a situation that i believe changed me forever when it comes to walls being put up and the way i handle certain things. I lived in house with someone that was nice one minute and the devil the next, lied on me and tried to turn certain members of my family against me, would run off more times than i could ever count and would always be welcomed back. I could actually write for days and says about that situation i was in but all i will say now is that it was a horrbile one that wouldnt ever wish on anyone. It was then that i realized that I couldnt really trust anyone because the ones that i was suppose to be able to trust, confide in, and love and recieve love from where the ones cause the worse pain ever in my life. I then built a concrete wall around myself, for a long time i didnt care about hardly anything, or anyone, even myself at times. It now takes me a very long time to get into a relationship (friendship) with someone, and even longer to really feel comfortable around then and trust them with anything going on in my life.
Dont get me wrong i have friends, im married, and most of the time everything is perfectly fine but i will say that once an issue arises, it doesnt matter what is said, if i feel like i have been turned on, lied too, or attacked, Up goes the wall and usually the relationship is over. I have very low tolerance for that kind of stuff. So what has happen when a very close friend on mine and i had a problem, well i have held on to it, cant stop thinking about it, dwell on it, and i get angry all over again every single time i do it. I tried to let it go, to move on, like nothing had ever happened, and continue with the friendship we had, had before and even though i have tried so hard, deep in the back of mind there is still the wall up, cause i feel like it has happened once, so it will most definatly happen again. In most cases it has happened again, so i have good reasoning i guess. i find myself second guessing myself as to why i am even trying to keep the friendship going cause i know something is gonna happen again, therefore subconsiously i hold back from the relationship...i hold grudges, i never forget, i have trouble forgiving, and i tend to be quite spiteful as well...i dont like these things but even when i try i cant seem to get past those things. i dont know what to do about it...i want to be able to forgive and forget, to move on and never think about these things again.. but i dont know how...i find myself when things are going good sitting thinking about all the bad things. oh well...
As a teenager I was put in a situation that i believe changed me forever when it comes to walls being put up and the way i handle certain things. I lived in house with someone that was nice one minute and the devil the next, lied on me and tried to turn certain members of my family against me, would run off more times than i could ever count and would always be welcomed back. I could actually write for days and says about that situation i was in but all i will say now is that it was a horrbile one that wouldnt ever wish on anyone. It was then that i realized that I couldnt really trust anyone because the ones that i was suppose to be able to trust, confide in, and love and recieve love from where the ones cause the worse pain ever in my life. I then built a concrete wall around myself, for a long time i didnt care about hardly anything, or anyone, even myself at times. It now takes me a very long time to get into a relationship (friendship) with someone, and even longer to really feel comfortable around then and trust them with anything going on in my life.
Dont get me wrong i have friends, im married, and most of the time everything is perfectly fine but i will say that once an issue arises, it doesnt matter what is said, if i feel like i have been turned on, lied too, or attacked, Up goes the wall and usually the relationship is over. I have very low tolerance for that kind of stuff. So what has happen when a very close friend on mine and i had a problem, well i have held on to it, cant stop thinking about it, dwell on it, and i get angry all over again every single time i do it. I tried to let it go, to move on, like nothing had ever happened, and continue with the friendship we had, had before and even though i have tried so hard, deep in the back of mind there is still the wall up, cause i feel like it has happened once, so it will most definatly happen again. In most cases it has happened again, so i have good reasoning i guess. i find myself second guessing myself as to why i am even trying to keep the friendship going cause i know something is gonna happen again, therefore subconsiously i hold back from the relationship...i hold grudges, i never forget, i have trouble forgiving, and i tend to be quite spiteful as well...i dont like these things but even when i try i cant seem to get past those things. i dont know what to do about it...i want to be able to forgive and forget, to move on and never think about these things again.. but i dont know how...i find myself when things are going good sitting thinking about all the bad things. oh well...
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
the beginning of my wonderful life
12 years ago this september 9th i began dating a wonderful boy, so sweet, didnt drink, didnt smoke, stayed out of trouble and was sooo good to me. he came into my life at a very difficult time in my life and was just what i needed. with all the loser i had dated before him, i was hooked very early in. both of us were still in school and had jobs but every single free moment we were together. Always hanging out at one of our houses or the other, riding the strip, hanging out with all our friends, movies, dinner and anything else as long as we were together. it was so odd how much we had in common and how comfortable we were with each other. i knew he would be the one i married for sure. 2 years into our relationship he purposed to me, i said yes and then we were married on this day august 8th 8 years ago. I can honestly say that he has given me more than i could ever ask for in a husband, 2 beautiful children that he is a wonderful father to. he works very hard and takes great care of us. And even though he isnt the romantic type and doesnt always show me the way i would like for him to, i know he loves me for me. and i cant even described how much i love him...he is my bestfriend, my lover, my soulmate! i truely believe God made him only for me!!! and then of course the fact alone that he has put up with me all these years must say something about how much he loves me cause i know i am not always the easiest person to get along with...I love you more today than yesturday and only half as much as i will tomorrow Robert Jason Heller!!! thank you for saving my life!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
endings and new beginnings
Even though the warm weather is here for a while longer, my summer break with my babies is nearing its end and my sad face is showing. I have taken full advantage of this summer break. With a summer pass to the pool, the kids and i have practically lived there, we are all nice and golden brown, Riveranne has made such progress with the water this summer going from not even wanting a drop to get in her face to swimming like a little fish under the water without holding her nose, Im such a proud mama! Ryder has also made huge strides for him, last year he was the baby on the side of the pool that would rarely even get in, this year he got in had a ball and wasnt afraid at all...hes such a big boy!!! and me well i just loved seeing them have a blast while i got my tan on. Having a great tan always makes me feel great. Along with funfilled days with my babies i have also taken full advantage of being able to stay up late watching movies with nowhere to be in the morning and no bedtime in site...i have had a movie addiction really this summer, i have watched a ton and it has been so nice to just have that quiet time to myself after the kids go to bed yet before jason gets home from work...it has been awesome and im terribly sad to see it come to an end... its gonna take me forever to get back on schedule, im gonna be death for the first couple of weeks...shew wee im tired thinking about it.
For a long long time i havent worked a public job and even though it has been a mutual decission between me and my husband and he make plenty of money to pay all our bills and such i have felt terrible that i havent been contributing to our family financially. I took the biggest step last year when i decided to sign up for school again and i was so determined to be focused and do well and i did just that and i was so proud of myself. With my second semester coming up soon i cant lie, i am so very excited about it, i actually really enjoyed school last year and the feeling of actually being productive in my life, other than taking care of the kids and the house, made all the difference to me. So this semester i am taking my first meteorology class and that in itsself is what i am most excited about, if you know me and my love for weather then you will totally understand. After taking this class i will decide then whether i am going to continue with a degree in acounting or change it to meteorology...of course in my heart i really want to do meteorology... But on to my point, with the biggest step in helping my family financially being taken, i have recently decided to take yet another step. I signed up to be a thirty-one consultant. I am so very excited about this cause i love all the products and im sure everyone else will also. I hope that i will be able to kick this off right with all the support and help from my friends and family. Not only will it be fun for me but i sure hope that i can make a lil extra money so its a win win situation!!! so heres my shout out, let me know if your interested in booking a party or placing an order with me!!!
Like being a full-time mother and wife, a full-time student, and a thirty-one consultant werent enough i have now been sucked in by extreme couponing. One of my best friends has been doing it for a while and she created a monster when mentioning it to me..lol. i have been burning up the interenet printing off hundreds of coupons, and new papers for all the coupons i can get, i have my 3 ring binder and my card collecter sleeves to keep them all organized, and as of a couple of days ago my bestie asked me to come along for one of her trips to the store where she taught a few of her secrets and i got entirely to excited about it all and i will now comfirm that i believe i am addicted...yep i am!!! i have even cleaned out our hall closet so it can be where i stash all my goodies!!! there are several of yall out there that will want our secrets but i can share them with everyone, cause i dont want all the deals gone when i want to get them...im selfish i guess!!!
And as it seems so many things are changing in my wonderfully busy life and i am so very excited about each and everyone of them, there will always be things that will never change no matter how hard i try...just gotta suck it up and keep on with the keepin on. I have a wonderful family and i am so thankful that we are so close my sister is literally my very best friend. me and my friends always have the best time together, we are all crazy and just laugh and laugh and i love it! we are always so comfortable around each other, we dont have to beg and pleed to see each other, regular phone calls and no lies and games!!! Its awesome!!! and im so thankful for all of them. well even thought im so tired i have been fighting sleep for a while cause i just dont want to give in early, its one of the last few night i can actually stay up late...so ill end this now and then prob give on in and hit the sheets!!!
For a long long time i havent worked a public job and even though it has been a mutual decission between me and my husband and he make plenty of money to pay all our bills and such i have felt terrible that i havent been contributing to our family financially. I took the biggest step last year when i decided to sign up for school again and i was so determined to be focused and do well and i did just that and i was so proud of myself. With my second semester coming up soon i cant lie, i am so very excited about it, i actually really enjoyed school last year and the feeling of actually being productive in my life, other than taking care of the kids and the house, made all the difference to me. So this semester i am taking my first meteorology class and that in itsself is what i am most excited about, if you know me and my love for weather then you will totally understand. After taking this class i will decide then whether i am going to continue with a degree in acounting or change it to meteorology...of course in my heart i really want to do meteorology... But on to my point, with the biggest step in helping my family financially being taken, i have recently decided to take yet another step. I signed up to be a thirty-one consultant. I am so very excited about this cause i love all the products and im sure everyone else will also. I hope that i will be able to kick this off right with all the support and help from my friends and family. Not only will it be fun for me but i sure hope that i can make a lil extra money so its a win win situation!!! so heres my shout out, let me know if your interested in booking a party or placing an order with me!!!
Like being a full-time mother and wife, a full-time student, and a thirty-one consultant werent enough i have now been sucked in by extreme couponing. One of my best friends has been doing it for a while and she created a monster when mentioning it to me..lol. i have been burning up the interenet printing off hundreds of coupons, and new papers for all the coupons i can get, i have my 3 ring binder and my card collecter sleeves to keep them all organized, and as of a couple of days ago my bestie asked me to come along for one of her trips to the store where she taught a few of her secrets and i got entirely to excited about it all and i will now comfirm that i believe i am addicted...yep i am!!! i have even cleaned out our hall closet so it can be where i stash all my goodies!!! there are several of yall out there that will want our secrets but i can share them with everyone, cause i dont want all the deals gone when i want to get them...im selfish i guess!!!
And as it seems so many things are changing in my wonderfully busy life and i am so very excited about each and everyone of them, there will always be things that will never change no matter how hard i try...just gotta suck it up and keep on with the keepin on. I have a wonderful family and i am so thankful that we are so close my sister is literally my very best friend. me and my friends always have the best time together, we are all crazy and just laugh and laugh and i love it! we are always so comfortable around each other, we dont have to beg and pleed to see each other, regular phone calls and no lies and games!!! Its awesome!!! and im so thankful for all of them. well even thought im so tired i have been fighting sleep for a while cause i just dont want to give in early, its one of the last few night i can actually stay up late...so ill end this now and then prob give on in and hit the sheets!!!