school girl

so after 6 years of being a stay at home mom, taking care of my kids, my husband and my house, days filled with running errands and paying bills i am adding something new to the mix...i am doing something for me, and yet something that will benefit my entire family...i have now started back at western kentucky universary, to study accounting...its definitly gonna be a big change, for me, my hubby and my kids  cause mama wont always be here to do every single thing that needs to be done, daddy is gonna have to pick up some of the clask around the house...its alos gonna be alot of hard work for me to juggle taking care of the kids, the house, homework, and studying and sacrifices from us all too. All of which i think will be worth it in the end. i have set some pretty high goals for myself and i pray that i can keeo motivated and focused on reaching those goals so i can make my families life even better than it is right now and its pretty darn good right now.....as school was aproaching i wa slike a young kids again wanting to go shopping for new school supplies and even though i really didnt need all that much for my college classes i really enjoyed buying new notebooks and folders and pens...im silly i know...and i couldnt help but think back to my childhood where school shopping was alot of fun with buying everything in the bright colorful lisa frank patterns, oh how iloved them, i still do...i bought my daughter some lisa frank stuff this year, she is in kindergarten...her first real year of school and my first year back to school...she thinks its funny that i go to school also now and that i have more homework than she does...its cute....all in all im very excited and nervous about this new step in my life but i am going to do well, i have too...and i want a good ass job someday too...LOL

SNOW.....NO

SNOW...cold, wet, white, slick, unwelcomed, gloomy sky, keeps me stranded in the house, no school, nasty, hard to drive in, and yet pretty at times, fun to play in, and snowcream. As you can see the dislikes outway the likes here in my household...and im looking out the window and its really coming down out there...i dont care for it at all...the only positive would be riveranne being out of school tomorrow so i can sleep in...LOL. i dont know what im gonna do with myself if spring and summer doesnt get here soon...i need sunshine in my life terribly and warm weather please....

addictive behavior

Coming from a family with a few alcoholics and many smokers,addiction is nothing new to me, and even though i havent ever been a drinker or a smoker, thank goodness, i find myself having some addictive tendencies (sp), for years now i have been totally addicted to mellow yellow, i love them, def my drink of choice at any given time of day or night, i have tried many times to quit drinking them with short lived success, even after having ahorrible kindey stone that my dr told me was a direct result of the many mellow yellows i consume i still havent been able to quit. recently i have added two new things to my addiction, slim jims and starbuck fraps, i dont know why really it just kinda hit me...

THUNDERSTORMS!!! one of my biggest addictions, i cant decribe the feeling i get when in the middle of a big thunderstorm, it makes me feel electric, adrenaline flowing and aroused...i love them, i look forward to them and i get my feeling hurt extremely when the weather calls for one and one never comes...im pathetic really...thunder is the best part, i want them to be loud and to shack my entire house...i love them at night time because its so very relaxing to me, i love to lay there and just listen to it...i love them during the day because i love the dark sky, i think its beautiful, i love nothing more than sitting outside and watching a big dark storm cloud move in, feeling the warm wind and listening to the thunder...i have been this way my entire life and actually wanted to be a storm chaser, something i would still be interested in doing if ididnt have a family ( alittle dangerous for me now with a family)...I JUST LOVE IT!!!

TATTOOS!!! i have always been very interested in them but after working with a woman that had a few (who is now my step mother) i knew i had to have one...i got my first one when i was 17 years old, with more to follow quickly after that...i now have 9 tats and i want more...its def an addiction of mine as well...i have went with several different people to get tats and it eats me up just being in a tattoo parlor without being able to get one myself, its something that thrills me and i crave them...must get another one very soon.

i have many addictions even if they are not the traditional kind of ones....

psychic

my whole life i have believed in spirits, orbs, anything supernatural and angels, i believe all of those things are around us constantly and i believe some people have the gift of knowing things and seeing things that other people cant...i myself have heard things and seen things many times in my life that make me believe in these things...think im crazy if you want but im gonna share with you a few of the situations from my life...since my first child was born i have had a video baby monitor that shines on her and now on my son, threw this monitor i have seen orbs, many times...you all may be thinking hey its probably dust and i can see where you would think that because i have also seen dust but there is def a difference and i have seen both...i have seen the orbs dance over my kids at times when they were sick or upset, i have seen them appear and disappear in the same spot and appear once again...dust doesnt do that. i have also seen the spirit of someone very close to me that was killed in a car accident a few years back, i saw him the day of his visitation and the day of his funeral, i also saw him several times when we had his car at our house for a year, i would see him many times out there at his car...the day of his funeral, i blew a tire on the interstate going about 80mph and with out a shimmy my car was pulled over to the side of the road with easy, no one hurt, i know without a doubt that he was there with us that day and help me pull the car over with easy, it could have been a real tragedy but we were perfectly safe and unharmed.
My children have let me know times that they have seen things that i couldnt see, making them afraid at the time, i have never been afraid and i dont worry that any of these things we see are harmful, i feel they are loving and protecting.
     a few years ago i heard of a psychic about an hour from me, being a little sceptic of her i still thought it would be alot fo fun to go see her so i did, and i have now been several times to see her because she has blown me away with the things she has told me over the past few years, knowing things from my past that no one else would have known, told me that all my grandparents had passed and that they were with my children and that was the orbs i see off and on in their monitors and she has also told me several things for my future many that have already come true...she has also already knew about some of the experiences i have had in the past and told me that i am drawn to those things and no wonder i have heard and seen so mnay things throughout the years...this is all stuff that is very fasinating to me and i am looking forward to going and seeing the psychic again here soon because it has been a while since i have been.

late nights

sometimes late at night when the kids are in the bed and my husband is still at work i find myself sitting and reflecting on things that have happened in the past, things i have done and things that have been done to me. im not sure why i do this but im sure everyone does at sometime or another...there is a part of my brain that just will not let me forget things and move on, im a horrible grudge holder and even when i try my hardest i still find myself holding one with many people but not to their faces...i have had fall outs with many family and friends at different times and even though we speak, try and work things out and move on with a better relationship but after so many hurtful things have been said i find myself doubting them, wondering if i can really trust them, believe things that they say and do and confide in them...i also find myself feeling as if there is no one i could turn to at times if i really needed someone...i am the kind of person that wants to help everyone to be happy, im always there when people need me and i do all i can for everyone...but i dont hardly ever feel that i have someone that would do the same for me. other than my husband and mother whom are there more than anyone i only have one other person, one person to call a best friend, a sister. kinda makes me sit back and wonder what it is with me that i cant have a bunch of good friends like normal people do...maybe it is me. maybe i have set to high of standard and expectations for the people in my life, expecting the way i treat people to be returned to me, when 95% of the time it has not been...i have really tried working on not having any expectations of people so that i dont get let down and hurt and that doesnt really seem to be working either, people all around me let me down at some point and when that happens things are never the same again...its sad but something i cant really help either. oh well this si just me venting a few things that were on my mind tonight...

my dream of parenthood

as far back as i can remember all i ever wanted to be was a mother...as a child the game i always wanted to play was family, and of course i was the mother and i loved every minute of it, pretending to take care of and play with all the younger children that my grandmother babysat each day...as a young teenager i already knew what my first childs name would be...When Jason and i got married when i was 18 years old we were on the same page with wanting to start our family shortly there after and after trying for several months our first child, a beautiful daughter, was born,a few months shy of our 2 year anniversary...it was the best thing to ever happen to me in my life, a wonderful pregnancy and a perfect little girl, my dreams had come true. on my daughters first birthday my husband and i decided we wanted to add another one to our awesome mix, thinking they would be the perfect 2 years apart like me and my sisters...after nearly 2 years of trying, praying and several discouraging moments, we became pregnant once again with our handsome son, who made is debut on my 24th birthday...my world was complete, 2 beautiful, perfect healthy children, one girl and one boy...what could be better than that. being a stay at home mother is the most rewarding experience...there is nothing more i would rather do than to love my kids with all my heart, take care of them, teach them and watch them grow...

As i look around me i see that i am different than many i know and at times i have let other people get to me because of it. At a few touchy times in my life there was a girl that really got to me, my husband and i had talked about it, planned and tried very hard to get pregnant with our first child that we wanted more than anything and during our struggle this girl, much younger than i, got pregnant, not ready or really wanting it and def not capable of taking care of it, this most def got me down a little...during our 2 yr struggle to concieve our second child that same girl got pregnant again, making me jealous and angry...it took me a long time to get over it, but i did!!! i just didnt understand why a child was given to a person who didnt want it and couldnt take care of it the way my husband and i could. Now that i have been blessed with two children i also find myself being angered over other people around me that have also been blessed with children, but have completely different priorities than i do. im not saying that everyone is suppose to be like me but i cant handle parents that would rather be out partying than be with their children, ones that would much rather let someone else raise their kids for them and then ones that think money and material things are more important than spending time together...its so sad...when you have kids you should become selfless, it shouldnt be about you anymore but about what is best for your kids and more people than not, that i know are not like that...i dont understand what could be going through their minds...there is such an obvious difference in the mentality of people and they way they became parents...it was just something that was on my mind today...

grooming kids

from the time kids are born we start good grooming habits, keeping fresh clean diapers and baby wipes on hand at all time, and lots of fun toys in tub to make bathtime an enjoyable experience...as their teeth come in we starting brushing teeth and hair...washing hands after using the bathroom and before meal times. and making sure you wipe you mouth on the napkin and not on your shirt...as children get old we will be faced with many more things to teach them about like deodorant, and for girls feminine products, and shaving of the armpits, legs and chin (for boys), but that will be a few years away yet for mine....so imagine my surprise when my two year old son, while in the bath last night, grabbed his play razor and was acting like he was shaving his little family jewels...hhhmmm...and as my husband and i do keep ourselves well groomed in that area, our son has never been a witness to this...so where in the world did he get it from...i was shocked, but couldnt control the histerical laughter that exited my mouth...i would much rather him first to be potty trained before shaving..LOL. this also reminded me of a similar situation with out daughter a few years ago, when she was only 3, a shaving commercial came on tv and she asked me if she would shave her chin when she got older, i said no girls shave their legs and armpits and only boys (in most cases lol) shave their chins...her and i were have the comversation but her daddy was sitting there also, she then turned to her daddy and said "daddy when i get older i will have hair on my monkey (what she calls her private area)"...yet again i thought it was hilarious but jason was mortified over it...what made her say that i dont know....it truely is scary how young kids are when they start learning things and even though these things i have talked about arent that serious and are more comical, there are many many others one that they will learn that are very serious and how will i handle it all...i have a girl and a boy so i will have to be prepared for it all...guess i need to be get myself ready now, because it will be here before i know it.