I have been trying for several months now to just let things go. I have been trying to not let things get to me as bad as i have in the past, not to dwell on the things that do bother me, and i have been trying my hardest not to hold grudges, and not to feel ventictive, and revengeful towards people that have done things to me. However as much as i have tried, to do all these things, a person can only take so much before they snap and reverse back to the person they are trying so hard not to be and this past couple weeks have ruined all the hard work i have put into myself to try and make myself a better person.
I know i wrote about a couple of family members a while ago in a blog that had been giving me some trouble, family members that have always been drama filled and trouble makers and ones that i have all my life been ashamed to even admit i was related to. Well a few months ago my cousin and i had a blow up over her attacking me over something i had nothing to do with and actually had no clue about was going on. its not the first time this has happen and it surely wont be the last because this is the way they are. if there isnt enough drama going in their lives then they feel the need to create more. It turned extremely ugly with me stooping to her level and letting her know everything i had ever thought of her (all bad of course, with horrible language). i said what i wanted to say and then i was done. i figured it had been dropped since nothing had been said or done in a couple months. All of a sudden two weeks ago while picking my daughter up from school for a dr's appointment, my daughter jumped in the front seat buckled up and we headed out, my cousin and her friend were sitting in the school parking lot and decided it was necessary to call the police on me telling them that i had let a small child who was suppose to be in the back seat in a carseat up front, the police came to me, questioned me and saw that it was a complete lie and went on their way. why she found it necessary to start the bullshit all back up again i have no clue other than her being a trouble maker and drama whore. so it started back from there....
From the wednesday she called the police on me, for the rest of that week and the whole week after that, she and the girl she drives around all day decided to blow me kisses, stick their tongues out, and give me the finger each and every morning at the elementary school where our kids attend. i let her and her friend do it all while i gave nothing but a smile because they were stupid enough to do all those things in front of the school i was determined to let them get themselves into trouble and that is exactly what they did... after the teacher that lets the kids out of the cars each morning had witnessed this for over a week she snapped and said she would going to handle it resulting in a letter being sent to my cousin and her friend saying they had been seen harassing me and giving lude gestures in front of the school, were given some guideline and rules for dropping their kids off and told that if it didnt stop they would be banned from the schools property. me being envolve also i was sent a copy of the letter they had recieved to know that the matter was being handled. this was on a friday. that next monday my other cousin decided to start up some crap with my husband over it all, and since none of them can handle their own shit and they all have to get involved i was not sursprise but completely pissed over it and i called them up. my cousin and her friend decided they were going to go to the school and raise some hell over them recieving the letter from them, and to excuse them giving me the finger and stuff in front of the school they made up the lie that i had tried to run them and their children over in the school parking lot, which the school knows is a lie. 15 minutes after leaving the school raising hell they caught me in houchens parking lot loading my groceries and decided to jump me. They ran their vehicle right up on me, my cousin her friend and her father, jumped out on me screaming yelling, cursing, and trying to fight me right there in the middle of the day in a public place with tons of witnesses who saw them jump me while i was loading groceries. it got extremely ugly until the police showed up and ended it, it was a big mess all because they were blaming me for them getting into trouble at the school. i was recommended to go to the county attorney and i did were i found out they had filed on me saying i had tried to run over them in which i have proof i did not, i went ahead and filed a no contact order on them since it had gotten way out of hand and physical and they have not been served with their no contact no communication orders on all three of the ones that jumped me at the store. and yet they are still following me around town, and i have still been getting private calls letting me know i need to watch my back. but i will say this and i mean it with everything in me, they will not show up at my house, and they will not jump me again, i have taken precaustions to make sure that shit doesnt ever happen again. they are nothing but white trash, skanky, trouble makers, drama whores, that will never be anything in this life or have anything in this life and i will no longer allow myself to be associated with them in any way ever again. they are no relation to me and as far as i am concerned they do not exist and that is perfectly ok with me. so here i am on my way to trying to become a not so angry person, not a grudge holder, and a spiteful, vendictive person once again, its not going to be easy but im trying. i have to cause im gonna let them knock me down to their level. its just a sham that their are so many people out there that thrive on trying to bring others down to their very low level in life....but its not going to be me.....anymore.....
Monday, May 21, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
stick a fork in it
This year has been somewhat of a difficult year for me so far. I have had alot of different things going on and i have felt very overwhelmed for the majority of these last 5 months. This semester has been a very difficult one for me, im not sure if it is the fact that i have taken 4 challenging class that required alot more work and attention or if it is the fact that i have not been motivated at all for this semester, or more than likely both combined. I am not doing well this semester and will come out with C and maybe even a D which is very disapointing because the last two semesters i have had all A's. Im really glad its almost over, im in my last week of classes and then i have finals week and then thank the Lord for a 3 month summer vacation. im really hoping i can be refreshed after summer break and will return in the fall with a better attitude for my school work, however the class routine will be different for me because i will have all online class except for one and i think that will work alot better for me.
I was laid off from my job which was only very parttime to begin with, im kinda relieved because it removed one of the many things i had to do each day but then i do kinda miss the money that i made that was mine and ready to be blown. they said they may have me come back in afew months but im not sure if im gonna do it or not. we are totally in love with our new house, everything about it, however the cops have been called on my at least 6 or 7 times since we have been here by a very uptight neighbor down the street that doesnt like the fact that our small dogs bark when they are outside on our property in our fenced in backyard. im thinking about having a big party and im gonna invite all the cops in glasgow because we have all become quite good friends because of their recent stops at my house...lol its actually comical and when they are called we all kind of giggle now when they show up...
I have been trying very hard these last severak month to dig deep into myself and figure a few things out, i believe i have made pretty good progress so far but are far from finished working on myself. I have really tried to eliminate all negative things from my life and i have come to the conclusion that no matter how hard i try those kind of things are always going to be around it just depends on how i react to them. after a few month of really having it out with a few people in my family that are nothing but drama filled and trouble makers i had decided to let it all go get over it and move on without allowing them to be a part of my life or have any kind of control over me at all. i had been doing so good and thought that it was all over and then yesturday when i went to my daughters school to pick her up early for a dr's appointment there she (the one i have been having trouble with) sat in her van looking at me as i went in and got my daughter. we came back out got in the car and drove away like i hadnt even seen her and then bam, as i was at the dr with my daughter the cops showed up at my house, this time because they had been called that i had let my small child that was suppose to be in the backseat in a carseat in the front seat. my daughter was in the front seat but she is very well big enough to be up there if i want her to be and far big enough to be out of a carseat a long long time ago. of course i was mad, i was fire mad but im not shocked because i had let it go and they are the kind of people that cant live without drama so they will do anything they have to create some, but trust me it will come back on them some day and ill be the one sitting back laughing at them then. i have still been dealing with my horrible father inlaw that i have tried my damndest to remove from my life, he has been stopping by my house knowing i he is not welcomed here and my husband has just been letting him so i had to get ugly about it and thankfully he hasnt been by in a week or so and hopefully that is the way it will stay. i have also learned really quick that some people in this world will say whatever they want to say knowing it is a lie and that it could completely ruin someones life, it has happened in my family recently and i have been fighting extremely hard to try and make sure it doesnt happen and as of now it is just a waiting game as to see what will happen if anything. not a feeling i like at all and i def dont like all the hurt it has caused to a family member of mine that i care deeply about.
I have not been dealing well with the fact that my very best friend has moved away and i am unable to see or talk to her as much as i had been in the past. she is only about 30 minutes away but with my busy life and hers, it has been weeks since i have seen her and i havent talked to her hardly at all either. i dont like it but its something that i have no choice but to deal with. I also reallized that it has been like 8 months now since i have seen or even spoken to a certain person that at one point in my life was like a sister to me, she was my very best friend and im still finding it hard at times not having her in my life and being able to share all the awesome, crazy, crappy things that have gone on with me in these last several months, so much has changed with me that and im sure it has with her as well that we literally dont even know each other at all anymore. its saddens me at times but also something that i have no choice but to accept and deal with and lately i have been doing better with that as well. recently i decided that it was time to let everyone know a secret i had been hiding for a long time, a habit if you choose that i have been doing and hiding from everyone in my family and even though it is far being the worst thing i could do and everyone is a tad upset and disapointed in me for doing it they are dealing with it and it has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and alot of stress relieved since i dont really have to hide it anymore. and no im not on drugs or anything but i have been smoking cigs and no one knew.
We added a new addition to the heller house this week, a black male pug, his name is Ace and he is just the cutest thing in the world and a wonderful dog, so sweet. so now we have a full blooded pug Ace, a half boxer half pug Rayni, and a half shihtzu half pug Stormie, and they are all getting along so well and i love all my fur kids. things all in all have been good over my way.
I was laid off from my job which was only very parttime to begin with, im kinda relieved because it removed one of the many things i had to do each day but then i do kinda miss the money that i made that was mine and ready to be blown. they said they may have me come back in afew months but im not sure if im gonna do it or not. we are totally in love with our new house, everything about it, however the cops have been called on my at least 6 or 7 times since we have been here by a very uptight neighbor down the street that doesnt like the fact that our small dogs bark when they are outside on our property in our fenced in backyard. im thinking about having a big party and im gonna invite all the cops in glasgow because we have all become quite good friends because of their recent stops at my house...lol its actually comical and when they are called we all kind of giggle now when they show up...
I have been trying very hard these last severak month to dig deep into myself and figure a few things out, i believe i have made pretty good progress so far but are far from finished working on myself. I have really tried to eliminate all negative things from my life and i have come to the conclusion that no matter how hard i try those kind of things are always going to be around it just depends on how i react to them. after a few month of really having it out with a few people in my family that are nothing but drama filled and trouble makers i had decided to let it all go get over it and move on without allowing them to be a part of my life or have any kind of control over me at all. i had been doing so good and thought that it was all over and then yesturday when i went to my daughters school to pick her up early for a dr's appointment there she (the one i have been having trouble with) sat in her van looking at me as i went in and got my daughter. we came back out got in the car and drove away like i hadnt even seen her and then bam, as i was at the dr with my daughter the cops showed up at my house, this time because they had been called that i had let my small child that was suppose to be in the backseat in a carseat in the front seat. my daughter was in the front seat but she is very well big enough to be up there if i want her to be and far big enough to be out of a carseat a long long time ago. of course i was mad, i was fire mad but im not shocked because i had let it go and they are the kind of people that cant live without drama so they will do anything they have to create some, but trust me it will come back on them some day and ill be the one sitting back laughing at them then. i have still been dealing with my horrible father inlaw that i have tried my damndest to remove from my life, he has been stopping by my house knowing i he is not welcomed here and my husband has just been letting him so i had to get ugly about it and thankfully he hasnt been by in a week or so and hopefully that is the way it will stay. i have also learned really quick that some people in this world will say whatever they want to say knowing it is a lie and that it could completely ruin someones life, it has happened in my family recently and i have been fighting extremely hard to try and make sure it doesnt happen and as of now it is just a waiting game as to see what will happen if anything. not a feeling i like at all and i def dont like all the hurt it has caused to a family member of mine that i care deeply about.
I have not been dealing well with the fact that my very best friend has moved away and i am unable to see or talk to her as much as i had been in the past. she is only about 30 minutes away but with my busy life and hers, it has been weeks since i have seen her and i havent talked to her hardly at all either. i dont like it but its something that i have no choice but to deal with. I also reallized that it has been like 8 months now since i have seen or even spoken to a certain person that at one point in my life was like a sister to me, she was my very best friend and im still finding it hard at times not having her in my life and being able to share all the awesome, crazy, crappy things that have gone on with me in these last several months, so much has changed with me that and im sure it has with her as well that we literally dont even know each other at all anymore. its saddens me at times but also something that i have no choice but to accept and deal with and lately i have been doing better with that as well. recently i decided that it was time to let everyone know a secret i had been hiding for a long time, a habit if you choose that i have been doing and hiding from everyone in my family and even though it is far being the worst thing i could do and everyone is a tad upset and disapointed in me for doing it they are dealing with it and it has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and alot of stress relieved since i dont really have to hide it anymore. and no im not on drugs or anything but i have been smoking cigs and no one knew.
We added a new addition to the heller house this week, a black male pug, his name is Ace and he is just the cutest thing in the world and a wonderful dog, so sweet. so now we have a full blooded pug Ace, a half boxer half pug Rayni, and a half shihtzu half pug Stormie, and they are all getting along so well and i love all my fur kids. things all in all have been good over my way.