new opportunities

so i have had alot of things that have brought me to this moment in my life, first being the fact that my husband got a vasectomy without me wanting him too right after our son was born, i wanted more kids, second being working in the special needs dept at my kids school and seeing a special needs girl that was neglected and needed taking care of. so now after heavy thought and prayer and lots of begging to my husband we will be starting foster care classes this september. yes i know these will not be my children but i will be able to help a child feed, bath and clothes them even if just for a short while, and im willing to take any child even special needs and give them the love that they need. yes giving them back will surely be hard for me but i know that, that is the way it all works and i am more than willing to do what i can when i can. now i have had another offer be made to me as of today, to be a surrogate mother for a couple that has had horrible troubles having a child of their own. wow i dont even know where to begin with this one but something deep down in me wants to do it but then i dont think i would be able to live knowing i had given birth (a c section) to a child that wasnt mine and that i didnt get to have a relationship with in some kinda of way. lots of thought and prayer are going to have to go into this. however i would give anything to have another child of my own, a mother is all i have ever wanted to be and if i do say so myself i do make beautiful children its a shame that i had to stop with two, even though those two are my heart and soul and i am beyond thankful and blessed with the two perfect healthy children i have, its just a longing i still have to have just one more of my own....i just love kids i cant help it.