my dream of parenthood

as far back as i can remember all i ever wanted to be was a mother...as a child the game i always wanted to play was family, and of course i was the mother and i loved every minute of it, pretending to take care of and play with all the younger children that my grandmother babysat each day...as a young teenager i already knew what my first childs name would be...When Jason and i got married when i was 18 years old we were on the same page with wanting to start our family shortly there after and after trying for several months our first child, a beautiful daughter, was born,a few months shy of our 2 year anniversary...it was the best thing to ever happen to me in my life, a wonderful pregnancy and a perfect little girl, my dreams had come true. on my daughters first birthday my husband and i decided we wanted to add another one to our awesome mix, thinking they would be the perfect 2 years apart like me and my sisters...after nearly 2 years of trying, praying and several discouraging moments, we became pregnant once again with our handsome son, who made is debut on my 24th birthday...my world was complete, 2 beautiful, perfect healthy children, one girl and one boy...what could be better than that. being a stay at home mother is the most rewarding experience...there is nothing more i would rather do than to love my kids with all my heart, take care of them, teach them and watch them grow...

As i look around me i see that i am different than many i know and at times i have let other people get to me because of it. At a few touchy times in my life there was a girl that really got to me, my husband and i had talked about it, planned and tried very hard to get pregnant with our first child that we wanted more than anything and during our struggle this girl, much younger than i, got pregnant, not ready or really wanting it and def not capable of taking care of it, this most def got me down a little...during our 2 yr struggle to concieve our second child that same girl got pregnant again, making me jealous and angry...it took me a long time to get over it, but i did!!! i just didnt understand why a child was given to a person who didnt want it and couldnt take care of it the way my husband and i could. Now that i have been blessed with two children i also find myself being angered over other people around me that have also been blessed with children, but have completely different priorities than i do. im not saying that everyone is suppose to be like me but i cant handle parents that would rather be out partying than be with their children, ones that would much rather let someone else raise their kids for them and then ones that think money and material things are more important than spending time together...its so sad...when you have kids you should become selfless, it shouldnt be about you anymore but about what is best for your kids and more people than not, that i know are not like that...i dont understand what could be going through their minds...there is such an obvious difference in the mentality of people and they way they became parents...it was just something that was on my mind today...